forgive的用法和辨析

　　Forgiving Skillfully

　　善巧地原谅

　　Forgiveness is not only about protecting ourselves from harm, or how we work with a situation in which we have been harmed. We also have to think about the other person––the one who is causing harm. You know, if we excuse someone too easily, then that’s notzgoing to help that person. If we say oh it’s alright and let them off the hook, so to speak, then they may cause more harm, doing the same thing again and again, thinking, “It’s easy to be forgiven.” So you should torture them a little bit, just for a little while. No, I’m just kidding.

　　不仅仅是为了保护自己免受伤害，或处理一个自己已然受伤的状态，我们才去原谅，我们也需要考虑一下对方——那个制造伤害的人。如果我们轻易地替别人找到借口，这对他是毫无帮助的。如果我们总说没事啦，放过他吧，他们可能会一再地重复同样的行为而造成更多的伤害，因为他们知道原谅得来全不费工夫。所以你应该折磨他们，就折磨一小会儿好了，算了这是玩笑话。

　　One of my teachers pointed out to me how often teachings on conduct, or how to behave compassionately, are misunderstood. For example, you often hear, “If someone slaps your right cheek, you should show them your left cheek.” You may genuinely have the capacity to endure harm and injustice with patience, which is admirable. But if your thought is to let your attacker slap you again and again, just for the sake of your own good karma (from the Buddhist point of view), or praise from others, or for your own salvation or what-have-you, then that is something else.

　　我的一位上师曾经指出，那些对于慈悲的引导和如何奉行慈悲的教授常常被误解，比如你经常会听到的：“如果有人扇了你右脸一巴掌，你应该把左脸也凑过去。”或许你真的能耐心地忍受伤害及不公正，虽说这也是值得赞叹的，但如果你想的是为了自己累积善业(从佛教徒的角度)，或为了别人对你的夸赞，或为了自己的救赎等诸如此类而让对方一遍遍地扇你，那么这就是另一码事了。

　　At that point, you are actually involved more with your own self-interest than with the other person’s well-being. You could say that even though you are not hitting back or shouting, you are not being truly kind. The most helpful thing you could do would be to stop that person from doing further harm and accumulating more negative karma. You’re more concerned with yourself and achieving some kind of badge of mindfulness, compassion and salvation. So in that sense, putting up with someone’s negative or abusive behavior could actually be considered a self-centered view.

　　就此而言，你其实只在乎自己的利益，而忽略了别人的幸福。即便你没有打回去也没有大喊大叫，这也不是真正的善良。你最需要做的有利之事应该是阻止他不再造成更多伤害而累积恶业。你更在意的是自己，以及得到那些正念、怜悯和救赎的“徽章”，这样的话，那些忍受别人恶意或侮辱的行为也只能被视作是以自我为中心罢了。

　　And so my teacher said that when someone slaps you on the right cheek, and when they’re coming back to slap you again on the left, you should stop them right there. Grab hold of their hand and stop them from hurting you. That’s an act of compassion. Because then you’re helping that person to stop creating more negative habits, negative tendencies and negative karma.

　　因此我的上师说，如果有人扇了你的右脸，然后又要来打你的左脸，你应该马上制止，紧紧抓住他的手，让他不再伤害你。这是一种慈悲的行为，因为你以此帮助了那个人不再累积更多不善的习性、癖好及业力。

　　It’s the same thing with forgiveness. We need to see not only how we can exercise our own compassion and loving kindness, in this noble practice of letting go and forgiveness, but we also need to see how it can help that person who is doing harm. So in Dharma talk, we call this “being timely and skillful.” This means that when we practice forgiveness, it’s important to find the right time to make that gesture, and we need to be skillful about how we do it.

　　原谅也同样如此。我们不应仅仅关注如何在放下和原谅的修行中训练自己的慈悲与善良，而忽略了如何帮助那个制造伤害的人。法教中称之为“适时与善巧”，意为当我们在修习宽恕的时候，找到适宜的行动时间且运用善巧的行为方式是非常重要的。

　　Forgiveness: Questions to Contemplate